I recently started working on projects, I otherwise wouldn't have, but with encouragement from family and friends I decided to try before I decide I can't. One of them is writing/illustrating my own children's books. The only problem is I can't draw (not yet). So I took it upon myself to start drawing so I could project what's in my head onto the canvas, but life's never that easy so of course, I ran into a roadblock I feel like most can relate to. In my perfectionist state of mind, I can't bring myself to mark the all-white canvas, because the unmarked canvas is perfect, and to mark it is to stray away from perfection with the possibility that I wouldn't be able to match it. After some deep thought, the answer that came to me was simple, don't aim for perfection, aim to dirty the canvas.

TLDR:


The Blank Canvas Dilemma stems from negative perfectionism. The author (I don't know why I'm talking in the third person) proposes we shouldn't aim to match perfection for perfection and rather aim to "dirty the canvas". The author states that perfectionists hold the idealogy of being perfect on a pedestal, even as a positive characteristic that people take pride in. Instead, the author argues that being a perfectionist is a disorder. A disorder that, if left untreated, has immeasurable consequences on our quality of life, ultimately leading to a unfulfilled life. Additionally, he discusses that perfectionism originates from childhood, environment, and self. Certain times we need to be perfectionists. He also compares the difference between positive and negative perfectionism, one that encourages us to rise to a level we normally wouldn't be able to achieve otherwise, and the other the opposite—a way to limit our potential. Lastly, the author provides actionable advice to cure perfectionism, such as the commitment to try new things constantly and stick with them even if we're no good (i.e., writing articles online), to show our work and aim to be kind to the child who needs it rather than being kind to ourselves, which the author alludes to being hard at times, especially for perfectionists.

Where does our perfectionism come from?


I believe perfectionism originates from where most of our characteristics come from: our childhood, environment, and ourselves. During our childhood according to Sharon Martin, LCSW (https://psychcentral.com/health/emotion-wheel#takeaway) A perfectionist's tendencies often trace back to childhood experiences with caregivers who imposed high expectations, were highly critical, or excessively praised achievements. While their intentions may not have been harmful—and I don't believe in assigning blame for the challenges we face—I genuinely think they were doing their best with what they knew.

For instance, my parents grew up in South Korea, where their parents and society emphasized that success could only be achieved through higher education. When it was their turn to raise my siblings and me, they naturally encouraged us to prioritize academic achievement because that was the path they understood. Unfortunately, this approach sometimes led to unintended outcomes, such as negative perfectionism (which I'll expand on later).

Beyond familial influence, societal pressures also fuel perfectionism. Social media perpetuates a sense of competition, where we constantly compare ourselves in the race for higher status, better jobs, and more wealth.

Lastly, I believe there's a third origin of perfectionism: one that's self-imposed. This type exists independently of caregivers or competitive environments. If we grow up lacking self-confidence—whether due to childhood experiences or societal influences—we may perceive everything we create as flawed. No matter how "perfect" something is, we'll struggle to believe it measures up because we don’t think we’re capable of creating anything truly exceptional.Perfectionism is a Disorder


Khmer Bible
Photo by Pisit Heng / Unsplash

According to Webster's Dictionary, a disorder is defined as

"to disturb the regular or normal functions of"

This is even more accurate when describing the symptoms of perfectionism. Due to the nature of being a perfectionist, less often gets accomplished—or, more frequently, things never even get started. As humans, I believe our primary purpose in life is to accomplish things—not for social media or others, but for ourselves. These achievements don’t have to be grand or extraordinary; they simply need to hold meaning in relation to our own personal growth.

Times We Need to be a Perfectionist


I know I spent the entire article so far talking about how we shouldn't strive to be perfectionists and how it can limit our life's potential, but I don't believe in absolutes, and I believe that there are times when we do need to strive to be perfect. This idea was first introduced to me while I was scrolling through TED Talks on YouTube, looking for anything that caught my eye. One did, which went against the now widely talked-about topic of how being a perfectionist is bad for you. However, while Jon Bowes argues that we should always strive for perfection, I believe that

We should only strive for perfection if the consequences are greater than the potential gain.

An example he referenced was an engineer who made a typo while working on AWS (Amazon's public cloud infrastructure), which cost Amazon over $160 million USD in a span of four hours. Another example was that in 2017, there was a study that stated that every year in this 8-year study, 251,000 people die due to medical errors in the United States. Looking into this study (I never take things at face value), I read the John Hopkins article. "Study Suggests Medical Errors Now Third Leading Cause of Death in the U.S." and it states that

The researchers caution that most of medical errors aren’t due to inherently bad doctors, and that reporting these errors shouldn’t be addressed by punishment or legal action. Rather, they say, most errors represent systemic problems, including poorly coordinated care, fragmented insurance networks, the absence or underuse of safety nets, and other protocols, in addition to unwarranted variation in physician practice patterns that lack accountability.

Even though the study had more to do with the system than the doctors themselves, the point still stands about the consequences of accepting less than perfect, especially if it involves people's lives.

Positive and Negative Perfectionism


I believe there is good and bad perfectionism, and when we label perfectionism, we have to make a strict distinction between positive and negative.

Positive Perfectionism: is a mentality that enables us to achieve more than our current abilities. Having this high ideal in mind, even if we fall short of it, will enable us to achieve a level of work otherwise unattainable.

Negative Perfectionism: is a mentality that prevents us from starting anything and leads us to quit shortly after starting. This is the limiting belief that we're not good enough to do certain things due to comparison or the idea that some people are born to do certain things.

Actionable Advice for Negative Perfectionism


1.) Artist's Eye (a term I just came up with) An artist's eye is the phenomenon when the creator sees their works for their flaws, not for the works themselves. To get rid of the artist's eye, you have to accept that nothing is going to be perfect from your point of view, and instead of focusing on the flaws, focus on the things you did well. You'll always see all the flaws in comparison to the image in your head. Plus, to get better, you need quantity over quality; quality is a result of quantity. For example, James Clear, in his book Atomic Habits, told the story of a photography class at the University of Florida where the professor divided his class into two groups, one that was graded on volume up to 100 pictures and the other half graded on one picture. He compiled the best photos taken at the end of the term, and all of them belonged to the quantity group, as he explains that giving ourselves the opportunity to work on our craft allows us to grow as opposed to worrying about one picture. One thing I'd love to add to this idea is that you have to approach quantity smartly; don't take the same picture 100 times, but each time try something new, learn, and adapt. That is how you improve—intentional practice.

2.) Change the goal. I said this early on, but you need to approach your project with the mindset of not trying to match perfection for perfection, but instead, in my case "dirty the canvas". This has allowed me to make mistakes and encourages me to not fear them.

3.) Restrictions=Freedom. In cases where I "dirty the canvas" and am still hyper-focused on making something perfect, I like to impose restrictions on myself. I'll give myself a time limit on how long I can work on a piece before I can no longer work on it, and this leads me to focus on completing a piece quickly, often not having time to fixate on mistakes or flaws and only focusing on finishing. This can also be done in stages, such as 20 minutes each for a research, rough draft, 1st edit, more research, 2nd edit, and final draft. This takes me 2 hours in total to finish an article. It allows me to post more frequently than I would if I didn't have these restrictions, but it can be more than just time. You can add restrictions on what tools you can use, how many searches and articles you can read, etc.

4.) Be kind to the kid who never received it. I believe that as we grow older, we don't lose our personality from when we were child, I think that we just know what people and society expect from us and that we conform to these expectations (I won't argue the good and the bad; that's a topic for another article). At 23 years old, I’ve learned that as an adult, it can be incredibly hard to forgive yourself and show yourself kindness—especially for those of us who carry great expectations, whether imposed by others or ourselves. However, if there is one thing in life that you have to learn to do, it's to be kind to yourself, and if that's too difficult, be kind to the kid who needs it. Remember a time when you were a child and needed kindness but weren't met with it? At best, you were met with nothing, and at worst, you were met with negativity. Be kind to that child, because they didn't deserve it, and neither do you.

The "Cure"

The truth is that there is no cure for long-term trauma, and I'm not going to try to convince you that if you follow everything I listed, you won't be a perfectionist. But one thing I can guarantee is that if you consistently focus on quantity (intentional practice) over quality, change your goals, set restrictions, and most importantly, be kind to your inner child, one day your injuries will heal without you even realizing it. Roll Credits.

Kamogawa Genji from Hajime No Ippo
“Not everyone who works hard are rewarded, However all those who succeed have worked hard -Kamogawa Genji”

Side Note: I will be posting more frequently now that I have the time to. Also, shoutout to my girlfriend who has been extremely supportive and showing me kindness even when I can't. Thank you for being the wonderful person that you are and love you to Triton and back.